Because of an event which I witness far too often, I really wish that I could post something like the following to a website like Craigslist or Ebay motors. This person is not me, but if it was, I deserve it.
FREE CAR
“I have proven myself time and again far too stupid to continue to be an automobile owner. As such, my car is free and open to anyone willing to take it.
Car is a greenish-red sedan of indeterminate make and model, but it probably was a nice car in 1989.
The reason that my car and I should be soon parted is that I like to park in a fairly busy parking lot in a commercial district before I go to exercise. In order to get myself pumped before I work out, I like to blast my Ipod through my car stereo for about 10 minutes, you know, to get myself adequately pumped and/or psyched. The music is awful and is all about smackin’ “hos” and dealin’ drugs. You know, work out music. Anyway, as soon as I have reached the point of optimal pumped-itude, I get out of the car, lock it, and look around me to see if anyone is watching. Then I put the keys behind the gas cap door, so they don’t smack my luggage in my overly baggy running shorts.
The car is free for whoever wants it. I am in no way qualified to own or operate a vehicle. You’ll be able to know which car it is, because it’s the one I’m sitting in, blasting my music and calling as much attention to myself as possible before trying to inconspicuously hide my keys in a really stupid place.
Again, the keys are in the gas door for ya. Title’s inside. I paid more for the stereo and Ipod adapter than I did for the car, so it’s a good bargain. I usually take my Ipod with me, so you’ll have to get one of your own. The gas in the tank alone is probably worth more than the car.”
The vehicle description has been changed to protect the idiot. Also, the language of the ad has been passed through a smart person filter, to reverse it to how the driver probably speaks, replace any word with 3 syllables with “f’ing” and add “know’t’m’sayin’?” to the end of every other statement. Ah, idiot mad-libs.
Question of the Day: If motorcyclists didn't add really loud pipes to their bikes, how else would we know we hate them from the comfort of our beds at 2 in the morning?
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