Bizarre Epic Dream, or Don't Mess With Brandon

I was hanging out with several friends in a random, nondescript farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, as you do. Perhaps it was in Iowa or Ohio, or maybe I was channeling Stephen King and it was in Maine.

It was mostly myself and some college friends, though one kid that my brother went to school with, named Brandon, was there. We were all playing Nintendo of some kind when through the doors of this farmhouse enter two little old ladies. Not ancient old, but like The Golden Girls old. They announce that they have brought cookies for all of us.

I immediately know that something is up, as none of the attendees at this Farmhouse Nintendo Party seem to know these two little old ladies. A third comes in, who we’ll call Betty White (as she is everywhere right now) and she declares that she has milk for everyone.

Immediately I am safe from that, because I don’t drink milk. However, I am very skeptical of the whole unannounced Golden Girls in the farmhouse thing. I come to realize that Betty has laced the milk with something that will cause everyone to fall asleep, perhaps she warmed it on the stove in hot water for a few minutes. No matter what, there is a sinister plot afoot.

As I warn the fellow party-goers to abstain from the milk and cookies, one of Betty’s companions, who I will call Blanche (as I don’t remember the actress’s name) realizes that nobody is jumping in on the milk-and-cookies ploy. She figures out that I am the one warning the others, and in an aside, tells me that they had already drugged the water bottle I had been drinking from all day. Man, they’re good.

As I already start to feel myself getting drowsy, I rush to the bathroom of the farmhouse (one just happened to appear as I needed it, you know, dream physics) and immediately down a large dose of DayQuil. Apparently, that did the trick at countering their sleeping drug, as I was immediately revitalized.

I return to the party, which is becoming more and more of a drag as the Golden Girls try to push their evil Milk and Cookies on everyone. I encourage the other partiers to flee, leaving the farmhouse to run around outside for a Benny Hill chase sequence. To those who seem to be drowsy I administer the magical DayQuil and they perk right up. Brandon tries to give someone NyQuil, and I snatch it from his hand. Idiot.

So we run around the yard, around trees, a barn, some flee through an orchard, I manage to get either Blanche or the Bea Arthur character to climb up and subsequently fall into a grain silo. Lucky we were at a farm now, isn’t it?

Blanche seems to have disappeared, and as the rest of the party regroups, Brandon shows up by himself. We he tells us he managed to kill Betty with a pocketknife. “Wow, man, we don’t know if they were trying to kill us. Way to escalate things.”

The dream pretty much winds down from there. We don’t know what happened to that third Milk and Cookie Bandit. We don’t even know what their plans were once they had managed to lure us off to sleep. Maybe they would relocate us to Miami for their new sitcom. What we do know is that everyone is safe for now until the sequel, when Bea Arthur returns with her mother and a plot to seduce us with apple pie.

Brandon is now on the lam, as the police want to know why they found a Betty White type dead in an orchard, and how he managed to kill her with that tiny folding blade.

Question of the day: Do your dreams ever follow a complete storyline with an introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution? Mine are like the perfect example of a 9th grade English Class.